So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish i was in the wii world.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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