I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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