so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
