I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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