Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
