I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
