my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
