i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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