id be glad to
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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