U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
porn star boner night. come get it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
