Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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