I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
