I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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