me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
