Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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