Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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