maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
