I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
