i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
