I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
