If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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