if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
