How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
