hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
