just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
