I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
