yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
