I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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