sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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