Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
