There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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