laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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