Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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