dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
