the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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