Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
