Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
