Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
