After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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