Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize