Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
