So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
