Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
