she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
