Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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