Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
