I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
