The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
