Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
