I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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