you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
