Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
