When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
