i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
