I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
