Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
