i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
