I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
