so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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