mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
