see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So vagazzling was a success
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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