i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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