My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
