so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
