i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
