Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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