Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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