just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
