when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
