She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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