Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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